Over the years, countless video game weapons have graced my screen. Some of them are exactly the kind of weapons I could see myself using to save the world, but others… Let’s just say they’re not my style. Still, I’m willing to try anything, but even with my best shot, there are still plenty of weapons I could never use.
I’m not the weakest player, but there are a lot of weapons that I just could never use. I can admit that I’m not the strongest, but it’s harder to admit that some weapons can be downright embarrassing to go into battle with. Although I probably wouldn’t even understand cuties if I had all the time in the world.
10 Dubstep Gun – Saints Row 4
Sure, it looks like Dubstep Gun might be a bit clunky, but the biggest problem is in the name Dubstep. This genre of pop music may have had its day a few years ago and may still be a favorite of some, but I can only handle so many tasty drops before the genre gets a little stale.
Knowing that I’m subjecting my enemies to a working ending with Skrillex is just not something I can do. On the same subject : Good Manners Reveal Their High Secrets of Anxiety-No Summer Walking with Kids. Instead of picking up the Dubstep Gun for Saints Row-style licensed music mayhem, I’d rather dro-dro-dro-dro-drop bass—I mean, drop the instrument.
9 Railgun – Resident Evil 3 Remake
One thing we can all agree on is the fact that Jill Valentine is one of the best and occasionally cheesiest female heroes in video games. To see also : Netflix Greenlights Swedish Comedy ‘One More Time’ Starring Hedda Stiernstedt; Red Arrow Rental; ” Marie Antoinette ” ; Thomas from All3Media International – Global Briefings. He manages to pull off the swings every time he’s on screen, and often does so dramatically.
Seeing Jill whip up those guns in the climax of Resident Evil 3 Remake reminds me of how easily she could kick my ass. I love training, but there’s no way I’m going to pick this bad boy up and fire it without kicking across the room.
8 Keyblade – Kingdom Hearts
The thing about the Keyblade is that as far as weapons go, it’s kind of a blur. See the article : This week’s winners and losers in Florida politics — Week of 7/17/22. It’s the perfect weapon for someone like Sora, but seeing the average action hero run into a fight with a giant wrench would have most criminals on the floor laughing their asses off.
I’m sure learning how to use an actual sword is hard enough, imagine trying to learn key fighting. Since I somehow manage to catch my clothes on the doorknobs, there is no way I can stop the serrated part of the key pad from getting into literally everything in sight.
7 The Blades Of Chaos – God Of War
This should be pretty obvious. I’m not a big-brained scientist or a physics whiz, but I just don’t think any sane person could actually get The Blades Of Chaos to work. Even if I had the strength of Kratos, let’s face it, who is coordinated enough to pull that off?
Holding the blades in your hand makes them easy to use, but bringing in chains gets complicated and fast. I’d like to throw it out like a Scorpio, only to bring it back too soon, which would probably only result in my pathetic death.
6 Kung Lao’s Hat – Mortal Kombat
Whoever decided that Kung Lao needed Mortal Kombat’s most brutal moves at the drop of a hat might just be a genius. Having said that, I don’t really know how the Kung Lao hat even works.
Does it require superhuman strength? Is the edge really very sharp overall? What is the hat made of? There are just too many questions and the overall brutal nature of the gun would prevent me from ever using it. I have seen these deaths and all I can say is no thanks.
5 Buster Sword – Final Fantasy 7
Seeing as how the sword is essentially just a huge piece of metal, I’d have more than a few problems using it. I could try as hard as humanly possible to look as cool as one of my childhood heroes, but I’d throw my back out before I could call myself a soldier.
Considering people have made real swords out of real metal and it takes multiple people to barely lift them, I don’t like my chances. Everyone else could rush into battle while I was in the back trying to pick up the sword from the ground.
4 Kazooie – Banjo-Kazooie
As someone who has had pets all my life, I don’t think I’d be comfortable using the Kazooie as a weapon of sorts. Whether forcing it to peck it out or grabbing it like a sort of bird gun, I feel dirty all the time.
Maybe I’d change my mind if I had no other way to fight the grumpy witch, but I have a feeling that using Kazooie would result in me getting a whole bunch of angry letters from animal rights activists.
3 The Vampire Killer – Castlevania
While the concept of using a whip doesn’t seem that complicated on the surface, things get a little more complicated when the whip is made of metal. Anyone who has lifted a long, large metal chain knows how unrealistic it would be to use a metal whip.
I think I could instinctively break out some unknown force when faced with creatures like skeletons, Dracula, and the literal personification of death, but one good punch isn’t going to cut it against some enemies. Chains and whips might excite some, but Vampire Slayer just isn’t for me.
2 Boomer Bile – Left 4 Dead
There are many ways to combat the zombie hordes, and I think most people have at least some rudimentary zombie survival plan in mind. However, I don’t think these same people ever add gall to their plans.
The idea of using Left 4 Dead’s Boomer Bile as a sort of tactical weapon to keep zombies at bay and wipe out hordes of each other sounds neat, but it’s also annoying. I couldn’t imagine throwing bile at someone just to see them get screwed, so I stick to my planned zombie survival tactics instead.
1 The Blue Shell – Mario Kart
Why could I never use the most hideous weapon in Mario Kart, the blue shell? Because I’m a decent person. I would never, ever want to ruin someone’s day as much as a blue shell when used. Someone lives their best life, wins a tournament, and then boom. It’s all over.
I just couldn’t do that to anyone. If you go out, you win this race. When I’m in last place, I just hug that shell and know that someone else is thriving. There’s always next time, right? Besides, the blue shell may be the most devastating weapon of all time.
Editor’s Note: Cameron is clearly a much better person than I am, I’d dump anything in a heartbeat.
Next up: The most multifunctional weapons in gaming
