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Youth sports are supposed to be fun, build character and improve fitness.
In many cases, however, they also cause injuries, social anxiety and mental health problems for athletes and parents.
Author Linda Flanagan addresses this conundrum in her new book, “Take Back the Game: How Money and Obsession Are Ruining Kids’ Sports – and Why It Matters.” Flanagan contends that the $19 billion youth sports industry has gotten out of control, a major problem considering about 60 million children and teens ages 6 to 18 participate in organized sports each year, according to the National Council on Youth Sports.
To hear Flanagan tell it, the issue reached far beyond parents behaving badly from the sidelines. Her takeaway: While youth sports have positives, the industry is in dire need of perspective and change.
Flanagan is no stranger to the ins and outs of youth sports — the 59-year-old writer from Summit, New Jersey, has three grown children, one of whom was very into sports. She also coached girls’ sports from 2002 to 2019. CNN spoke with Flanagan to discuss her work and learn more about what parents can do to make sure kids are involved in youth sports programs on their own terms.
This conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.
CNN: What are the positives of youth sports?
Linda Flanagan: There are so many. Exercise is positive. Every week we learn more and more about how essential movement is, and it is so important for children to get that way of exercise while they are young. Develop a lifelong commitment to movement and exercise. Sports build camaraderie. They teach teamwork. At a time when kids are obsessed with technology, sports also keep them away from their phones. Sports provide opportunities for children to get to know other children from other backgrounds. In that sense, youth sports can be a great leveler.
CNN: What negatives have come up around youth sports?
Flanagan: Youth sports have become a class-based system. Participation is determined by household income. If you’re on the low-income side of things, your chances of participating are lower. A third of the children in low-income housing are inactive, they don’t play at all. On this lower end there is too little (participation), and on the upper end – among families who can afford it – you have too much. There are all kinds of club teams.
It’s a feast or famine situation: famine in poor areas and feasting among the high income (set). Families with higher incomes also tend to specialize in sports at a younger age. Parents start thinking (that) this is the only way to do it. And they push, so kids play too much and get hurt, burn out, and end up wanting to quit. Many children drop out before they even reach high school. For them the joy is gone.
CNN: From your research, what corrupts youth sports?
Flanagan: I identify three main big causes. First is money. Youth sports are a huge industry – a $19 billion industry. That’s bigger than the National Football League, which (was) estimated to be $15 billion (in 2019). The youth sports industry has grown 90% since 2010. That means there are a lot of people (who) are benefiting from it.
The second cause is the changed perspective on childhood. This is a cultural change; sometime between the 1970s and the 1990s, children moved from our employees to our bosses. The whole idea of what parents should do for their children and what children mean to their parents has changed. Now a child’s success in youth sports carries with it some status. My parents did not attach their status to how their children did in sports. They had their own lives.
The third cause is change at colleges and universities. Tuition is so high, and there is this perception that it is harder to get into the best schools. Being an athlete can help defray those costs. (The National Collegiate Athletic Association awards more than) $3.6 billion annually in athletic scholarships. That’s a lot of rewards for kids who excel at sports.
CNN: How are parents complicit in this problem?
Flanagan: That middle bit, the problem with kids moving from employees to bosses — that’s the big problem for parents. Today everything our children do seems to be a reflection on us. It’s hard to resist that kind of pressure to do everything we possibly can for your children. Most parents start out with good intentions. The thing takes on a life of its own when kids start doing well.
Parents are reluctant to admit how important this is to them. Sometimes it’s too important. We become too invested. That is when it reverses from love for the child to ego satisfaction to the parents. That’s when it robs youth sports of what makes them fun. We are supposed to be midwives to their development, not the main recipients of the rewards. It’s a slippery slope.
CNN: How do parents know their own obsession with youth sports is fading?
Flanagan: Parents can start by asking themselves a few questions: Am I one of those crazy parents? How would I feel if my child decided to quit? Would I be devastated? How many minutes do I spend at a cocktail party or when I meet someone to talk about my child’s performance in sports? These are all important questions to answer.
If you were devastated by your child quitting, maybe you’re a little too invested. If you are talking about your children’s achievements before your own, maybe you need to back off. According to one study I looked at, 19% of (families) spend 20 hours a week or more on children’s sports. When you find your entire life swallowed up by youth sports, that’s a warning sign. You are too invested.
CNN: What happens when a kid specializes in one sport?
Flanagan: Apples are good for kids, but if your kid wants to eat apples all day, are you going to let them do that? No way. It’s too much of one thing. It is not healthy for a child to specialize in one thing. Children need extensive developmental experiences.
All the doctors I spoke with – among them there is an absolute consensus that sports specialization is not good for children. It’s not good for physical development, and it’s not good for emotional development. College coaches want kids who play multiple sports. The best athletes play multiple sports. The people who argue for it are the ones who benefit from it.
It is not in the best interest of children to specialize before they are teenagers. By the time they’re 14 or 15, maybe they’re old enough to make up their own minds. Even then, it will most likely burn out. Then there are the long-term consequences of overdoing it in children’s sports.
Every year in my town I hear about high school girls who have torn their ACLs (knee ligament) playing lacrosse. Usually, they are 12 or 13. Some studies say that half of people who tear their ACLs will get arthritis within 10 years. We are missing something here.
CNN: What’s the solution? How can parents “take back the game,” as your book is titled?
Flanagan: I offer four principles to guide you as a parent. The first is to look at your child and recognize that interest and passion in any of this has to come from them. They have to be the ones who decide how much they want to play. If you’re the adult demanding sports participation, that’s not going to end well. That doesn’t mean you can’t push them a little, but you should allow them as much decision-making as possible.
The second principle: Keep your family whole. The youth sports industry will try to rip you apart. If you get into it, you’ll find yourself on a weekend where mom will go to Maryland for a tournament with one kid, while dad will go to New York with another. It doesn’t need to be that way. Start later, stay local and resist the stupid stuff. Parents must recognize that they have agency, and they must exercise it to remain sane.
My third tip: Try to keep perspective. Everything in youth sports always seems more important than it is. It’s not that important. Talk to older adults who have been through this for some insight. Imagine how you will look at this dilemma in five years. It’s okay if your child misses some games. It’s okay if your child wants to go out.
Finally – and this is important – parents must model what they want their children to learn. A lot of this is about following a positive image of adulthood. We have lost track of what we are modeling to our children. All we do is care for them. No wonder they don’t want to grow up – all we do is drive them around and attend to their every need. It doesn’t have to be that way.
CNN: How can parents cope with the inevitable battles of decline?
Flanagan: Parents are not powerless. You can protect your own family and provide for your children in a way that allows them to play sports on your terms. Parents cannot wait for the system to correct itself. They themselves have to stop it, plant their flag in their land and say, “We’re not doing this anymore.” So much of this is based on anxiety and worry about the future. It’s okay for parents to just take a step back and let kids be kids.
