(CNN) Youth sports should be fun, build character and improve fitness.
However, in many cases they also cause injuries, social anxiety and mental health problems for athletes and parents alike.
To hear Flanagan tell it, the problem has gone far beyond parents behaving badly from the sidelines. Her takeaway: While youth sports have positive aspects, the industry is in dire need of perspective and change.
Flanagan is no stranger to the ins and outs of youth sports — the 59-year-old writer from Summit, New Jersey, has three grown children, one of whom was heavily into sports. She also coached girls’ sports from 2002 to 2019. CNN spoke with Flanagan to discuss her work and to learn more about what parents can do to ensure children participate in youth sports programs on their own terms.
This conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.
CNN: What are the positives about youth sports?
Linda Flanagan: There are so many. Training is positive. Every week we learn more and more about how important movement is, and for children it is so important to get into that groove of exercising while they are young. To develop a lifelong commitment to movement and exercise. Sport builds camaraderie. They learn teamwork. In an age where kids are obsessed with technology, sports also keep them off their phones. Sport provides opportunities for children to get to know other children from different backgrounds. In that sense, youth sports can be a great equaliser.
CNN: What negative aspects have emerged around youth sports?
Flanagan: Youth sports have become a class-based system. Participation is determined by the household’s income. If you are on the low income side, your chances of participating are lower. A third of the children in lower-income housing are inactive, they do not play at all. At this low end there is too little (participation), and at the high end – among families who can afford it – you have too much. There are all kinds of club teams.
It’s a feast or famine situation: famine in low-income areas and feasting among the high-income (set). Families with higher incomes prefer sports specialization at a younger age. Parents start thinking (that) this is the only way to do it. And they push, so kids play too much and get hurt, burn out, and end up wanting to quit. Many children drop out before they even get to high school. For them the joy is gone.
CNN: From your research, what is corrupting youth sports?
Flanagan: I identify three main reasons. First is money. Youth sports are a huge industry – a $19 billion industry. That’s bigger than the National Football League, which (was) projected to be $15 billion (in 2019). The youth sports industry has grown 90% since 2010. That means there are a lot of people (who) are profiting from it.
The second reason is the changed perspective on childhood. This is a cultural change; sometime between the 1970s and 1990s, children moved from our employees to our bosses. The whole idea of what parents are expected to do for their children and what children mean to their parents has changed. Now a child’s success in youth sports carries a certain status with it. My parents did not attach status to how their children did in sports. They had their own lives.
The third reason is change at colleges and universities. Tuition is so high, and there is a perception that it is more difficult to get into the top schools. Being an athlete can help cover these costs. (The National Collegiate Athletic Association awards more than) $3.6 billion each year in athletic scholarships. There are many rewards for children who excel in sports.
CNN: How are parents complicit in this problem?
Flanagan: The middle part, the problem of kids moving from employees to bosses – that’s the big problem for parents. Today, everything our children do seems to be a reflection of us. It’s hard to resist that kind of pressure to do everything we can for your children. Most parents start out with good intentions. The problem takes on a life of its own when the children start doing well.
Parents are reluctant to acknowledge how much this means to them. Sometimes it means too much. We get too invested. That’s when it tips over from love for the child to ego gratification for the parents. That’s when it robs youth sports of what makes them fun. We are to be the midwives of their development, not the primary recipients of the rewards. It’s a slippery slope.
CNN: How do parents know their own obsession with youth sports is getting out of hand?
Flanagan: Parents can start by asking themselves a few questions: Am I one of those crazy parents? How would I feel if my child decided to quit? Would I be destroyed? How many minutes does it take me at a cocktail party or when I meet someone to talk about my child’s achievements in sports? These are all important questions to answer.
If you would be devastated by your child quitting, you might be a little too invested. If you talk about your children’s achievements before your own, you may need to back off. According to a study I looked at, 19% of (families) spend 20 hours a week or more on children’s sports. When you feel like your whole life is being consumed by youth sports, it’s a warning sign. You are too invested.
CNN: What happens when a child specializes in one sport?
Flanagan: Apples are good for kids, but if your kid wants to eat apples all day, should you let them? Never. It’s too much of one thing. It is not healthy for a child to specialize in one thing. Children need broad developmental experiences.
Every medical expert I spoke to — among them there is absolute agreement that sports specialization is not good for children. It’s not good for physical development, and it’s not good for emotional development. College coaches want children who play several sports. The best athletes play multiple sports. People who argue for it are the ones who profit from it.
It is not in the children’s best interest to specialize until they are teenagers. By the time they are 14 or 15, they may be old enough to decide for themselves. Even then, most people will probably burn out. Then there are the long-term consequences of overdoing it in children’s sports.
Every year in my town I hear about middle school girls who have torn their ACLs (a knee ligament) playing lacrosse. Usually they are 12 or 13. Some studies say that half of people who tear ACLs will have arthritis in 10 years. We’re missing something here.
CNN: What’s the solution? How can parents “take back the game,” as your book is called?
Flanagan: I offer four principles to guide you as a parent. The first is to look at your child and recognize that interest and passion for any of this has to come from them. It must be up to them to decide how much they want to play. If you’re the adult who demands sports participation, it’s not going to end well. That doesn’t mean you can’t push them a little, but you should let them make as many decisions as possible.
The second principle: Keep your family whole. The youth sports industry will try to tear you apart. If you put your mind to it, you’ll find yourself on a weekend where mom is going to Maryland for a tournament with one kid, while dad is going to New York with another. It doesn’t have to be that way. Start later, stay local and protest the stupid stuff. Parents must recognize that they have agency, and they must use it to stay sane.
My third piece of advice: Try to keep perspective. Everything in youth sports always seems more important than it is. It’s not important. Talk to older adults who have been through this to gain some insight. Imagine how you will look at this dilemma in five years. It’s okay if your child misses some games. It’s okay if your child wants to go out.
Finally – and this is important – parents must model what they want their children to learn. Much of this is about following a positive image of adulthood. We have lost track of what we are modeling for our children. All we do is take care of them. No wonder they don’t want to grow up – all we do is drive them around and meet their every need. It doesn’t have to be that way.
CNN: How can parents cope with the inevitable struggles of going back?
Flanagan: Parents are not powerless. You can protect your own family and look after your children in a way that allows them to play sports on your terms. Parents cannot wait for the system to correct itself. They have to stop it themselves, put the flag in the ground and say: “We’re not doing this anymore”. So much of this is rooted in anxiety and worry about the future. It’s OK for parents to just take a step back and let kids be kids.
Matt Villano is a writer and editor based in California. His work has appeared in The New York Times, CNN and elsewhere.
