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ROCHESTER, MN—Physicians at the world-renowned Mayo Clinic pointed out that if the technology actually exists, an electronic spine replacement device would dramatically increase physical well-being, and proposed Friday that their patients with back pain be treated with some kind of high-tech robot -Back thing. “We encourage anyone who has back problems to look for some kind of mechanized, futuristic spine if something like that is currently available,” said neurosurgeon Russell Bates, explaining that back problems would likely be alleviated almost entirely by using some sort of quasi-exoskeleton , which could potentially make the user bulletproof and able to fly, in addition to reduced back pain. “I mean, it’s 2022. We’re confident they’ve invented something like hyper-advanced prosthetic vertebrae made from exotic, cutting-edge materials that offer users both less discomfort and super strength or something like that. Or maybe it’s another 100 years. But either way, whoever gets this thing is going to see a huge improvement in their quality of life, I suppose.” Bates added that when robotic backs didn’t exist, there was always fentanyl.

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