Monday night in Buffalo, after Titans quarterback Ryan Tannehill completed a 19-yard pass to Austin Hooper, ESPN analyst Dan Orlovsky spoke for us all when he said:
“Watch for the wider release. Looks like a zone run game outside. Go to your depth and there are three levels of flooding. You go to the outside post, the ball fakes to the back.”
Yes, the words came right out of my mouth, or some other source.
And that, naturally, brings us to the First World War and the horrific situation of trench warfare. Not only were the British foot soldiers blown to pieces, but they also suffered from a myriad of unknown intestinal diseases.
The medics in the field, before moving the victims to field hospitals, tagged them with the notation, “GOK,” which stood for “God Only Knows.”
This past weekend was another full of GOKs – games won and lost for no discernible reason beyond rotten decisions and behavior.
Let’s start Friday night with the Yankees-Brewers game. The Yankees lost 7-6 in a game that ran 4:09, with the teams using 15 pitchers as the two managers added to analytics, Aaron Boone and Craig Counsell, eliminated effective pitchers in search of one that would be shelled.
It wasn’t enough that Lou Trivino, in the seventh, faced three batters, striking out all three. Boone likes to try to improve on perfect. So out went Trivino.
Counsel replaced the relievers twice – first Brad Boxberger, then Devin Williams – who went 1-2-3, each striking out two.
Why has baseball been lost to such insanity? GOK.
On Saturday, with blowouts all over television, ESPN2 had a close one, Purdue-Syracuse. With less than two minutes remaining, Syracuse led, 25-22, but Purdue was driving. The reason Orange coach Dino Babers didn’t use any of his timeouts seemed odd. And so with 51 seconds left, when Purdue tight end Payne Durham caught a touchdown pass, it seemed even more unthinkable.
Durham should have been flagged for performing an extremely sudden, agitated head zone strut. Disgusting. But it soon paid off.
After the extra point, Durham was flagged for a late hit. A few minutes later the Purdue coach, who was visibly upset with the call, was also flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct. With a short gift wrapped, Syracuse returned the kickoff to the 50, with 45 seconds remaining.
Two more penalties against Purdue brought the Orange closer until they scored with seven seconds left. Another no-play flag followed against Purdue.
The final minutes of the game featured the latest in group sports participation: vulgar chants inspired by mob mentality.
Yet ESPN’s Brian Custer (a former SNY anchor who never got it) and Dustin Fox couldn’t get over the “fact” that we just watched “a great college football game!” when it was an idiot’s delight.
The capper came in the post-game “interview” with Babers led by Lauren Sisler. With so many good things to ask, he drew on the one-game “question” that post-game pundits remember all week:
“What kind of statement is this to your football team?” Meaning: Ugh!
Next day, more: Browns running back Nick Chubb and Cleveland’s 24-man coaching staff simultaneously won the Fantasy Football Play of the Week and lost the game when Chubb opted to run for a TD rather than fall down on after reaching the top with 1 :55 left. The Jets had no timeouts left, so game over.
Instead, the Jets went from 24-17 losers to 31-30 winners. OK, you will.
Urine trouble if nature calls at wrong time
It has to happen, right? So here’s the plan: On the same subject : 10 Biggest Video Game Budgets.
One of the local TV stations should station a news crew outside the men’s room at Yankee Stadium in anticipation of someone inside missing Aaron Judge’s next home run.
Chances are, after that home run, some grumpy young dad will show up with his kid he couldn’t contain.
What an angle! What an interview! What a scoop!
On Wednesday on ESPN’s “Around The Horn,” panelist Frank Isola noted that the excitement surrounding Judge’s home run season was dampened by the steroid-era “accomplishments” of Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa — a bout and a cast because the bottom line. the foresight-less negligence of former commissioner Bud Selig.
Agreed. Although Bonds, McGwire and Sosa have not been voted into the Hall of Fame, Selig was inducted just two years after his retirement.
The NBC team of Jac Collinsworth and Jason Garrett who called Saturday’s Cal-Notre Dame game should try plain English. Plays weren’t called, they were “dialed.” Quarterbacks didn’t run, they “used their legs.” Backers ran “downhill.” Both offenses tried to create “positive plays.”
By the way, a reader asks if players can still run downhill after the teams switch sides on the field. Answer: Yes, but only if the game is played at the North Pole.
SNY’s Steve Gelbs, who runs out of the 2-hole in Milwaukee as the Polish Sausage, won the Sausage Race on Wednesday, proving that hams are eligible to run as sausages.
Any stat anytime: During last Sunday’s Panthers-Giants halftime, Fox posted a full-screen graphic giving the game’s three “Top Performers.” One was Carolina receiver Robbie Anderson: “3 catches, 32 yards.” Not much. And one catch ended with a fumble that gave the Giants a 3-0 lead.
On Wednesday in Milwaukee, Jeff McNeil of the Mets, hurt his hand trying to catch against the left field fence in front of a billboard advertising, “Injury Lawyers.”
Watching local MLB telecasts takes too much irk
It seems that local baseball telecasts have grown downright annoying. To see also : 10 cars that must be in more video games.
During Mets games, we now hear Keith Hernandez moan, groan and moan when something cataclysmic comes to the Mets, like a bloop single.
Still, who can’t sympathize with Hernandez when a slow game (don’t they all?) delays his return to Sag Harbor to sip fine wines? Cry me a river of 2016 Château Pape Clément Pessac-Léognan cabernet.
Yankees telecasts, if you can watch them, remain offensive. Less-less Aaron Boone Baseball, and then look away passes or excuse the unforgivable with excuses that morons wouldn’t buy.
Tuesday, 4-4 against the Pirates in the seventh inning, Josh Donaldson, with the runner on the lead, grounded to shortstop Oneil Cruz, a probable double play ball. Cruz smoked it, so no play at second, but Donaldson threw out. YES then Donaldson showed up. initially, without any particular urgency, even carrying his bat towards first.
David Cone: “It’s hard to fight that initial disappointment when you don’t connect. Carry the bat with you a few steps.
“And we see that much in today’s game. Today’s players are not dogs. It’s just that they expect to get hit. And when they don’t, they’re disappointing, and sometimes a full step or not running out of the box can cost you.”
Huh? Donaldson made good contact. And when batters averaged .260 instead of .240 they didn’t expect to “get a hit”?
Paul O’Neill: “It’s not intentional, it’s just a habit.”
It was 4-4, bottom of the seventh, man on first, no out! A habit? Disappointment? Stop! Donaldson was trimming it. Again. If it’s “habit,” Boone, the last five seasons, has fed it.